Photo Weeks #19 and #20

But really mostly 20 because that was Disneyland week aka more photo opportunities.

This photo gallery is before, during, and after Junie at Disneyland. Shoutout to grandparents who stayed with Junie both before she woke up and after she went to sleep so that we could bookend our Disneyland day with baby-free time! We were so tired in the morning from having to wake up early to get in the park and so tired at night from the crowds and activity of the day so we didn't even do much... but it was still nice. Since we stayed at a Disneyland hotel, we got to go in 30 minutes earlier and got the emptiest castle photo we'll probably ever experience, and go to ride the Star Wars Rise of the Resistance ride with no line! Amazing.

Also shoutout to the baby carrier, the MVP of the day. Junie did not want to walk nor ride in the stroller - she got sick the week prior to travel and was extra clingy, and that clinginess has continued. It's not even regular clinginess, but the kind where anything less than being held by Mom is not a viable option. I've been really frustrated/sad/angry lately about not knowing how to deal with the various Junie tantrums that can occur at any time, which I guess is just the next chapter of parenting that we're entering. Argh! It sucks!! Junie is a throw-self-on-ground-and-scream kind of tantrum thrower, which I just have to ask, where did she even learn this from?! Is this just innate human instinct to flail your body on the ground?

Anyways, the other day I was telling (crying to) Jeremiah about how much I hated being a mom, and he said that just the other week I was saying that being a mom was great some of the times. And I could not remember at all what the situation was where I said being a mom was great. I am someone who remembers the hard times and not the good, and that seems very at odds with finding joy in parenting. Sigh. Even Disneyland - the thing that sticks out to me the most is the tantrum Junie threw during dinner where I had to carry her outside to eat her french fries, then the second tantrum she threw when I didn't her eat the french fry that she had smushed into the outdoor chair.

So there's another reason for me to maintain these photo weeks and fill them with happy memories, in comparison to my journal which is a black hole of rage and stress and anxiety (slightly exaggerating) - I can at least look back on them and remind myself of the fun times I've documented and truly how far we've come. For instance - watching Junie play with the juggling scarves and balloons at Jeremiah's work family event, and watching her play with her cousin. That was fun! Can I honestly say these little moments are worth the tantrums? Maybe some people could, but for me, no... but they help a little at least.

Hang in there, self. There is no magic solution to anything. I'm still learning how to thrive as a mom, and I'm not sure exactly what that looks like, but one day I'll get there...