Anchored

It seems like I’ve finally got my routine figured out. Not my life figured out – just my routine. Wake up, breakfast (at office, more and more as of late) work, home, exercise/dance/homegroup/etc. I have a schedule. I like to stick to it.

But as I find myself settling more and more into a comfortingly steady ebb and flow of driving, moving, working – I see more and more of my friends moving on to the next stage of their lives, uprooting and changing direction. Moving on. Moving forward. It makes me feel left behind, just a little.

It makes me feel a lot of things, actually. For the most part (I hope), I feel happy for my friends and those that are looking forward to bigger and greater things. It also makes me feel anxious about what’s on my own horizon – is it weird that I’m not changing careers or paths or cities? It makes me miss New York and makes me want to move back. I want to look at new jobs, dream about the new places I could move and the cool things I could do, even though I’m relatively happy and content with my job right now. It makes me wish I could freeze time and place.

I feel restless, just waiting to see what will happen – and it’s weird, because this time it’s not even what will happen for me, but what will happen to my community and the friends around me, thus dictating what will happen to me. I feel like in two months time everything will be different. Again.

But for the most part, this post is just to say – hello. I am alive, I am functioning, I am doing my best to stay afloat, and I am sleepy.

It is also almost April and I regret the lack of care I have put into this blog, and I want to practice more web development so… who knows! Maybe if I have time I might give this blog a makeover.