Focus

Just as I suspected, I am currently experiencing a severe lack of Christmas spirit… even though I just returned from an unexpectedly refreshing and fun trip to the East Coast and got to see the Rockettes in the Radio City Christmas Spectacular (which was super amazing, and I know it’s commercial and lame and gaudy but it was still SO COOL.) The trip was fun, but it still just doesn’t seem like Christmas or the holiday season to me. Is this a byproduct of aging? Will I just never be as excited for the holidays anymore?

Today I laid (lay down? I could never remember the correct grammar for what to use when the subject is a human being) down on the carpet next to the Christmas tree and stared up at it, and realized that a spider had made its home on the Christmas star that we had on the top of the tree. I’m not really scared of spiders, so I guess I’m glad that the spider as a home, but it’s a little funny that it’s at the top of the tree. I didn’t try to move it or get it down. It’s probably still there.

It feels like my mind this past month has been jumping back and forth between so many different things, not settling down to care about one specific thing and worrying too much that I’m not caring enough about anything. I sat down and made a list in my written journal about the different things I could be caring about and the things that I actually am caring about. There is so much going on in the world right now – and generally I do not pretend to be wiser about world events than I actually am, but there’s somethings that even the most ignorant person can’t ignore – so much going on in the lives of my friends, so much to care about and I can’t seem to pick one thing to pray about, to follow up on, to invest in.

I suppose this shows that I am self-centered, but it honestly feels like I’m not even caring enough about the track of my own life right now either. I should be a more responsible adult. 2015 resolution?! Maybe… but “be a more responsible adult” seems like a very heavy resolution to make…